At the age of 5 or 6, Eddie Flohr, (who was also 5 or 6) terrified me by repeating two stories, each of which he said his many brothers also had confirmed.
One was that Werewolves, (half human, half wolf) really lived up in the woods. The 2nd story was that, “Little green men from Mars,” also lived in the meadows up near the mountains. Eddie seemed thrilled that I obviously became terrified out of my mind by these descriptions, and he tortured me daily for weeks about his newfound method of freaking Noble out.
I can still remember the waves of fear, surging through the little 5 or 6 year old body. Having most emotions detached from my body, and living in a ‘made-up’ world, already, these were life altering events. Two days ago, while receiving Cranial-sacral therapy, (body work) I began to see the face of a ferocious wolf. It’s teethe were long and sharp, and the long red tongue hung from the mouth.
It growled and signaled that Noble would be ripped to fleshly shreds. The face of the wolf morphed into that of half wolf, and half that of my deceased mother. As I continued to stay with the gruesome image, it moved inside me and I began growling like a wolf. I realized that the face of my mother and the ‘werewolves’ Eddie had so terrified me with, had become a part of me, and that I had unconsciously and non-verbally used the ‘wolf’ within to defend myself, my entire life.
My Mom was devastated in her own life at the time of my birth. My pap had just gone totally blind, her mother was dying, and our family was very short on survival money. ($26.00 a month pension) She must have looked at me with what appeared as a savage and brutal meanness, although, I am certain in hindsight that she was simply conveying the terror, frustration, pain, and anger of someone who’s life circumstances were disintegrating and beyond an ability to accept.
She was able to express 50 years later that they were devastated that I was being born, for there was not enough money and only tattered and torn diapers from my older brothers. I am sure there was no intention to terrorize and/or spin me into psychosis.
I now realize that I had incorporated that perceived, ‘Wolf look’ into myself and used it to keep others from destroying me, when I needed it. In reality I spent a lifetime warding people off, many who could have and even wanted to give me love. Only a tiny energy shift of display of the wolf within caused all to stay away from me. A height of six foot six, and physical prowess certainly added to the threat.
Lying on the massage table, I then began to see a group of cute little ‘Teletubby’, characters, looking like the little cartoon characters on T.V in the mornings, skipping away across a meadow. Amazingly, they were all wearing green, velvet like outfits. The little green men from Mars were leaving the very cells of my body, where they were stored for over 58 years ago.
The fears, hurt and angers of our childhood, do not have to follow us to the grave. Coming into the realization that the only reality existing, is NOW, helps dispel secret monsters that haunt our lives until we let them go. So, always consciously breathe in God’s love, (shakti) and breathe out your ‘werewolves and Little green men from Mars,’ whatever they may be.